


Fuck-Ups

by Aaron_The_8th_Demon



Series: 5 Missed Shots, 1 Game-Winner [5]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Patrice Finally Figures It Out, Post 2015-2016 NHL Season
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-08-20 10:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20226715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaron_The_8th_Demon/pseuds/Aaron_The_8th_Demon
Summary: Patrice has been feeling down lately anyway. In the last couple of months Brad hasn’t been hanging out with him as much as before. It was weird at first, too, because there didn’t seem to be a reason for it. Even after they made a huge mistake by sleeping together while actually sober, Brad never kept him at arms length or seemed bitter or anything. But recently they’ve been seeing less of each other, and it’s not by Patrice’s choice. He doesn’t understand what changed.





	Fuck-Ups

**Author's Note:**

> This is going up 6 hours early because I'm going to be super busy tomorrow and I need to go to bed earlier than usual, otherwise it would've been posted at midnight like always.

Their final game of the season is a loss.

They go through all the usual things, promises of a better season come October… Patrice can tell most of his team mates don’t actually believe that, at least for the time being. They couldn’t make the playoffs and now there was this, not even able to go out gracefully with a win. Nobody’s having it. They clean out their stalls in frustrated silence. It’s the third year in a row they couldn’t make the playoffs. They’re an original six team… they should be better than this. But somehow they just aren’t.

Putting that giant issue aside, Patrice has been feeling down lately anyway. In the last couple of months Brad hasn’t been hanging out with him as much as before. It was weird at first, too, because there didn’t seem to be a reason for it. Even after they made a huge mistake by sleeping together while actually sober, Brad never kept him at arms length or seemed bitter or anything. But recently they’ve been seeing less of each other, and it’s not by Patrice’s choice. He doesn’t understand what changed.

Driving home, he makes plans to call his mom and whine about his life for awhile as soon as he gets there, because right now he’s feeling pathetic and miserable. Of course this ends up not happening, because he gets a text from Brad: _ Call when you’re done moping. _

So he does. “Hey, Marchy.”

“That was quick.”

“I haven’t gotten to the moping part yet. What’s up?”

“So I got… good news, I think. Maybe it’ll help you feel better after today.”

“Cool, what’s up?”

“I didn’t wanna say anything in case I jinxed it, but… uh… I might finally be over you, now. So we can get on with our lives without any more weird shit between us.”

Patrice knows that’s good news and he should be happy. Instead, he feels like he just got shot. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. A couple weeks after… uh, after the Winter Classic, I met somebody.”

“That’s-that’s great, Marchy. What’s his name?”

“Derek. I didn’t want to tell the guys yet because like, my track record with relationships is total shit, but things are getting kinda serious and I have a good feeling about this one, you know?”

Patrice tries to be happy for his best friend. He fails spectacularly.

“Yeah, I’m glad. I hope things keep going well for you guys, then.” A better man would say that without having to try desperately hard not to choke on his own voice. Patrice doesn’t think he can ever remember a time he’s felt so… so… _ awful. _ “When are you going to let everyone meet the man in your life, then?”

“I don’t know… maybe in a few weeks. But you can go first, because you’re still my favorite.”

Patrice forces himself to laugh. “Okay then. Hey, I have to go call my mom, but thanks for telling me. I’m happy for you.”

Brad’s voice is relieved. “Thanks, man. Go call your mom.”

“Alright. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Patrice sets his phone down… somewhere… and sits on the floor, curling into a ball and starting to sob. He wants to crawl into the ground and die, and isn’t this a hell of a way to finally figure his shit out. How has he been so thick? For years and years and _ years, _ now, always wanting to be around Brad, always taking care of Brad, always doing everything for Brad even when he had to go out of his way to do so. Feeling almost no need to date because he knew he had Brad. The first time they slept together, being upset about the circumstances and the outcome but somehow absolutely fine with the idea of them in the same bed otherwise. The second time they slept together, only caring about making Brad feel good with his own pleasure almost an afterthought.

Patrice loves Brad, and not in a platonic best friends way… not in the way he’s always thought. Patrice loves Brad in the big stupid romantic way. And of course, now that the window of opportunity has closed, he’s finally realized it.

Wilson comes over and headbutts the side of his leg with a sympathetic whine, as if to say _ Don’t cry, daddy, it’ll be okay. _ Except it won’t. This is the least okay Patrice has ever been, including his punctured lung three years ago. When he loses feeling in his lower limbs, Patrice finally goes to sit somewhere more sensible like the couch. He brings his phone and calls his mother to dump his emotional baggage on her like he was planning on doing anyway. The whole time, he feels like he doesn’t deserve to cry about this. He had so many chances, there were so many signs. He has nobody to blame but himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, short. Oh well.
> 
> Part 6 will arrive August 24.
> 
> Please comment.


End file.
